Our Hearts

How are we recognized...

What does God see when he watches over us and protects us?

How does He recognize us?

What does He see?

I imagine our God peering straight in to our hearts...bypassing the skin and flesh...not even seeing the clothes or hair or make up...not seeing a shape or size...but the only thing He sees is our HEARTS. Not the blood pumping. life giving heart...but the condition of our hearts...how we feel and think and believe...the motives, the pride, the sorrow, the joy, the fear, the peace, the wonder, the incredible emotions that overtake, the guilt and shame, the desire to serve and share who He is...all of those things that seem to mix together and can tumble around inside. He doesn't notice whether we took a shower or did our hair. He doesn't notice if our clothes are "in" or if we shopped at the Goodwill or Target or a high end store...He doesn't see our accomplishments as a checklist of things done or awards and trophies.

I imagine Him hoping we take care of the temple that He chose to clothe us in so that our hearts could accomplish the things that He created us for.

I have been thinking of my heart this week...I have been thinking of the condition of mine and how I spent so much time focused on the outside that my heart sometimes was neglected.

And now I find myself frustrated with my heart...because I cared so much about the outside that I didn't keep the condition of my heart focused on Him.

This week I battled...I battled disappointment. I battled frustration. I made some mistakes. I had to face some consequences. And instead of not eating I ate...I ate all healthy food...but I ate more than I have in a long time and I fought those emotions...I was upset that I couldn't find a balance and I still decided to seek food...or no food...as a way of coping with other things that were going on. And today I know I also made some good but tough decisions...so I am wondering what God sees when He looks at me...and hope that He sees that I am trying...I am trying to not be discouraged. I wonder why I make it so hard.

But I also have to go back and know that God does not see the size or shape of my body...but He sees that I love Him and want to be an example...

He sees my battle...but He sees my motives...and my main motive is to please Him...

But the enemy wants my battle to be with food...either not eating or eating or eating too much...that my focus moves from who God is to me to what food is to me. The eating disorder is such a frustrating battle...and I am asking for prayer so that I can see that it is the enemy attacking me because the enemy sees my desire to help others be healed...to be healed from his attacks and his labels and his put downs...

And as I rise above the worries of if I ate too much...or didn't eat enough...and that I have become my normal weight....

I will remember that God peers directly in to my heart...and the world peers directly at my body...

And I want to please God and not the world.

2Timothy 1:10 "...He broke the power of death."