This morning I woke up and followed my normal routine. I usually keep the same order in how I do things...It is just how I do it. I wake up, go directly in to the bathroom, get my things on the counter that I need (face cleanser, lotions, washcloth, etc), brush my teeth, and then I weigh myself. Four years ago I use to weigh myself at least 10 times a day. I was obsessed by the number on the scale. It defined my day...it defined the moment...I allowed it to be a measure of who I was...It defined me. The number--where ever the line stopped at---I let it tell create a definition of who I was. In the midst of the worse part of the eating disorder...in 2008...there were many times when friends would come to my house and take my scale. There were times when I would voluntarily hand it over. But that only lasted a few days. I would buy a new one.
A scale measured my worth.
A number told me who I was.
The size of my body became a definition of my identity.
I would step on the scale and then I would curse myself. I said words that I would never want to hear anyone speak. I said words that would hurt the person with the toughest skin. I spoke hate and death over myself...never understanding what that was doing to the God who created me.
Why would I allow a number to measure my value? Why would I allow a scale to become my identity?
Today I stepped on my scale. Today I weigh a number that in my flesh...I don't really like...but the difference is I have chosen to allow something else to define me.
My value is not a number on a scale. My value is from God. He says, "For you are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10 NLT
God says in Psalm 139 that "He made me wonderfully" (v14) that His "workmanship is marvelous" (v14).
I am made in the image of God.
When I curse my body or let the world define my value based on what my outside looks like, then I am literally telling the Lord that he made a mistake...that what he did was not good enough for me because I value the opinion of the world over His.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him, The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
I can't find anywhere in the Bible where God says that my weight or the shape of my body defines my worth.
I just want to encourage any one who has has allowed others or their scale number to become their means of a value scale...to take the first step today and every time those thoughts or beliefs begin to creep in...to rebuke them and remind yourself that God is you defining system.
I know that this isn't a instant change moment...that you are not going to read this and be instantly transformed...because I can't do that for you. But I know that the God that I serve can. He can. He is the source of our worth.
Today...as a first step decide on one statement you are going to counteract the lies that you have come to believe as true. Every time your thoughts go in the wrong direction...say that statement or scripture verse over and over...every day until you begin to believe that instead. Get in the Word! If you believe that everything in the Bible is true...then search out how God defines us...and root yourself in the truth. We are to live in the world but not of the world...meaning that we have to live in the world...but we can not live by the world's ways. We have to live by the Word of God.
Today the number on the scale...it was just a number.
Today the Word of God...is my value.
If I can support you in anyway by praying for you...speaking truth to you...sharing the story of God's restoration in my life...please leave a comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.