My Heart Today

Why do we seek the world to tell us who we are supposed to be?
Why do we hurt our bodies in order to be accepted by other people?
Why do we dislike the very body that God created for us so intricately and beautiful and wonderfully?
I am hurting today.
Others are hurting today and I want to help but I don’t know how.
I see it.
I feel it.
I hear about it.
I know it is there.
But how do those hurting souls get refreshed and renewed?
How do they begin to redefine who they think they are to the real beauty that God created so sweetly?
One minute I am eating my lunch with vengeance in my heart because the enemy is telling me not to eat…the enemy spews lies at me because he knows that I am acceptable to God and I am eating a healthy lunch. I am not afraid to eat it. I eat it as a reminder that the enemy can’t win. I eat it because my body needs fuel. I eat it because I will not let the shape of my body define me. It is healthy…I created it…a healthy lunch with whole foods.
But then a half hour later…the enemy starts playing with my familiar thoughts telling me I should not have eaten the whole thing. That now I have to work it off and I feel every piece of food in my body. I feel it touching the insides of me. It doesn't feel good.
I am mad that these thoughts still creep in.
I am more than mad.
And then I hear the news…a girl I am supporting…is not eating…she is not being held accountable (she is a minor) and I think lack of knowledge on her parents part and the not wanting to upset anyone…is holding them back.
And I am mad that I can’t make her eat.
And I am mad that my thoughts go to the same place sometimes.
And I am frustrated because she could die…she is so frail.
I remember my friends stepping in and being in my face (in a loving way) because they cared and wanted me to live and be healthy.
Why today do my thoughts of my self and my own eating become so hard when I am hurting for someone else and wanting her to eat and wanting her to live and not think the way she thinks anymore.
I want to show her the truth and teach her who she is in Christ.
But what about my own wandering thoughts?
She needs me to be healthy.
Others will need me to be healthy so I can speak the truth to them.
I don’t care if I have to eat more than I am use to…I will not allow the enemy or the lies to hold me back from being healthy.
I will not allow the enemy to lie to me…because God has called me to be healthy and speak the truth to those who can not speak it to themselves right now.
I will eat.
My lunch was fuel for my body.
What I look like does not define the inner most parts of my heart….the heart that God peers so lovingly in to.
Please pray for this girl…the girl who won’t eat….the girl who is so thin she could collapse…and pray for her parents to stand up and fight for her…and pray that I will know what to do…and pray that I will eat and fight those familiar lies and stand firm in the truth.
God did not create me or you to spend our days wondering if we are acceptable to the world…he created us to love. And He does not even see our outward appearance. When God looks at us…he looks straight in to our hearts, past this shell of flesh and looks right directly in to our hearts.
That is who we are to him...we are our hearts.
Thanks for listening to my heart today.
Love, Teresa