It's Not Fair

"It's Not Fair"

My son Jack is 10 years old. He is the only boy in a household of 3 girls. He is my youngest child. He is sensitive and very aware of female emotions..which I try to convince him I am just training him to be a good husband. But he is also all boy. He is my only child to get stitches...9 in his head. He is my only child to break bones...he is wearing a cast right now. He broke his wrist at recess a few weeks ago. He loves video games, sports, facts, and football cards. He falls on the ground for no reason what-so-ever and he makes constant noises. For you with boys, you will know what I am talking about.

For the past season one of his favorite, habitual statements at the beginning of many of his sentences is "It's not fair...." So when Jack came to me on Monday night and asked if we could talk in private I was not sure what he had in store for me! Jack is a "negotiator". Here is a portion of our conversation from Monday night (of course paraphrased by me).
Jack: Mom, can I talk to you about something private in your room.
Mom: Sure. (We go in to another room and shut the door)
Jack: "It's not fair....(those words just make me cringe lately) that Madie (my 13 year old) has a bigger room than me. I think that we should switch rooms. When can we?
Mom: Your room is perfect for you. Why do you think it isn't fair?
Jack: It is too small...I can't play in it...I can't find any of my toys...
Mom: Maybe we should go through your toys and get rid of some.
Jack: (His mind is clearly set on switching rooms and there is really no other option in his mind) "It's not fair...(he is searching far and wide) Madie needs a smaller room because then she would keep it clean because she would have to...she doesn't respect her room. The other day she just threw her a piece of paper on the floor and didn't pick it up. It's not fair because Kody (his friend) has the "perfect" sized room. And ALL of my friends have bigger rooms. Can you tell me a date when we can switch. (he really wanted me to set a date).

There was much more to the conversation...but I of course gave him a motherly LONG lecture. But the gist of what we talked about was that sometimes we need to change our perspective on what we are looking at. I told him he had his mind set on changing rooms and now he couldn't see his room any other way then too small, not good enough, it won't work for him, there was no chance of it getting any better. But out of that long lecture he really only pulled certain letters (not words) that spelled out "it's not fair". It is funny how that happens. My mature parenting skills finally stated "You are not moving rooms....you have to realize that!"

In short I told him that he had a choice to make to acknowledge that it might not didn't seem fair that he had the smallest room in the house, to realize the current situation wasn't going to change right away, that he could change his perspective on his room, and come up with a plan to take what he had and make it better or make it work for the time being.

By the end of our conversation he realized he wasn't moving...I wasn't changing my mind. We came up with a plan to empty his entire room and go through his things, get rid of what he didn't want anymore and put everything back in organized and orderly.

Tomorrow I am going to post pictures because that is what we did and you can see what happened. Just so you know...his perspective did change and I will show you tomorrow how.

Now that I wrote a book I wanted to share the biblical lesson that God showed me through this. He showed me how we often argue with God and tell him "it's not fair..." We don't like the situation we are in and we fight with God because we know best and he really does need to listen to our reasoning because we have really good reasons for him to change his mind (to switch our rooms). We can only see how what we have isn't good enough...that is is not enough...that it doesn't fit our needs. We are sure that everyone else has something that is just perfect...and it isn't fair because we want it too. But God does know best. He knows what is enough. "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 NLT If I look closely at the solution Jack and I came up with I can see God saying the same thing to me. I can realize that my current situation is not going to change right now and realize God knows what is best for me. Maybe it doesn't seem fair, but know that God's plans for me are for good, to give me a future and hope. That I can change my perspective. I can choose to find out what I can do to look at the situation different. I can look at it not through my "it's not fair" eyes, but my "I trust you God" eyes. And I can pray and thank God for the plans He has for me. I can trust that God has it all worked out. I can chose to do today the things I need to do to honor and bring glory to God.

I pray that this was not way too long for you to read and that somehow God shined through. I pray you saw that sometimes we are looking at our rooms being too small and that we just want to switch and think things will be all better. I pray you (I included) will realize God already knows his plans for us and they are for good! Praise God. I thank you God that I don't have to wonder or worry or think my room is too small, because your perspective is bigger than mine. Your perspective is clearer than mine. I pray that we will seek your perspective.

Stay tuned for Jack's changed perspective...
Blessings,
Teresa