Ramblings....

I have a lot of thoughts going on in this little head of mine, so I am not sure what will come out when my fingers start typing.

The 21 day fast ended on Sunday and on Monday I was very excited to drink coffee. I think I said before that I was not only fasting from makeup but from coffee as well. I believe the coffee fast was God asking me to be obedient. I told Jack he might find me on Monday morning sitting in my favorite chair with my bible and the whole pot of coffee in my hand....but I chose to use self control and just drink the whole pot one cup at a time :). And it tasted soooo good with a little sugar free french vanilla creamer in it.

For the past two days I have been wearing make up again. Monday I was actually quite excited to be able to put it on and go out of the house "all put together". Today I left the house again with makeup on. And today as I was in prayer and journaling about how crummy and down I felt, I realized a few things.

Through out the 21 days God showed me two very specific things (and many other tidbits as well). I wrote about them earlier, but they were 1 Samuel 16:7 "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have frejected him. The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." I really understood how I wanted to be recognized...and it is by my heart and not by what I look like on the outside. When I am recognized by my heart, then I am not acting in selfishness. For 21 days I never double checked my makeup or even my hair. I felt humbled when I was around others. I never double checked what I looked liked when I left my house. But for the past two days I have found myself making sure my make up looked okay. I have selfishly thought about what I looked like when I was around other people.

I know now that tomorrow I am going to just wear a little make up just to add some color to my face and even out my skin tone. I know that God wants me to stop focusing on myself and be ready to serve him during the day with out thinking so much of myself. Instead of focusing on my face or my outside image, I really want to focus on my heart...on what my motives are...on who I can serve and love on.

I can't believe how selfish I can be. I can't believe how much I think of what others think of me.

Also, God brought Luke 12:35-38, 40 to my attention...(I talked about this earlier as well). In these verses God asks us to "be ready". That phrase is mentioned 4 times in those verses. When I think about "being ready" in the morning or to face the world for the day, I think about putting on make up and what I am going to wear. But God is not talking about preparing our outside appearance...He is talking about our hearts. Are our hearts ready? Are our attitudes and motives ready? Are our lives ready to be presented before the Lord?

Over the last few weeks I have been at a place where I have felt grieved over so many hurting people. And today God showed me some light, only because I finally got to a place where I was willing to let Him speak to me instead of me only talking. I still don't know exactly what it is I am to do...but I know that God has called me to take action. Tonight I wrote in my journal "My ears are open. My heart is tender to your voice. Lord I want to surrender all to you." And after I wrote that, I opened up a newletter from Joyce Meyer Ministries (http://www.joycemeyer.org/) and in it she wrote an article on how to share our love with others. She quoted Helen Keller: "I'm only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do soemthing, and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do that something I can do." She also talks about"living life on purpose". I hope that I will start my day tomorrow open to what ever God places in my path. I hope that I will take action and live with purpose.

I also was listening to Wendy Pope (http://www.wendypope.blogspot.com/) today and she was sharing her thoughts on Moses. She said "Moses grew in to his calling". That really spoke to me. He was afraid at first and asked for Aaron to speak for him. But as time went on Moses began to speak out and share what God had told him. He "grew in to his calling". I began to see how God is growing me in to my calling. He has brought me out of captivity...and now I am learning what to do to share the freedom with others.

Okay now I am rambling....I am not even sure if I made a point...

I am going to go to bed a little early and get some rest.

In love, Teresa