Radical..Can I really be Radical

Radical by David Platt....This amazing woman http://www.marlataviano.com/ who I have never met personally...but love her anyway...has shared her vulnerability and opened her heart...she has brought women and men together from literally all over the world to get Radical in our faith and walk with Jesus. Will you get on the Radical train with us? It is not too late.



I am responding to the first chapter...although I have read through chapter 3...and the rebel in me may just mention more than one chapter.



Here is my heart right now in a jumbled, rambling mess:

God has walked me through death and back to life. He has removed the stain of sin and hurt. He redeemed the shame and guilt and fear from years of things that scarred my heart. (I don't know how to link to an old post...my testimony is written in July of 2009) I sit in my home...with my kids...not knowing how I am going to provide monetarily for them...a temporary, part time job...that pays $9.25 an hour....hours of crying out and trying to figure it out on my own...just wanting a job...to pay the bills and have a home for my kids...and vacations and things...but mostly just to pay the rent...but God...but God he just keeps showing me in so many ways how He provides for me...and now my heart that breaks for those who are hurting like I was...why would God redeem me and save me and bring life back to me from the depths of despair...if He didn't intend for me to use it to bring others to him...to share my testimony so that others may not live if darkness like I did....I was in darkness...I wanted to die with my pain...but God...He had other plans...Jesus died so others could have life...my old life died so I could share life with others...but how...how do I do that and still try to take care of my family...how...when I know what God wants...He wants me to take my non profit What Is Beautiful...and tell others who they are in Him...to take His Word...To put it out there so it may sink deep in to the hearts of the women and girls in this world...but how...how do I do it...and still provide for my family...and take care of the family God gave me...Jesus says to give up everything, take up His cross, and follow Him...does that mean that I quit work and don't pay my bills...of course not...but what I thought I wanted in my life...could be different from what God is calling me to do. How do I give up what I want for what He wants in my ordinary day? How do I share Him everyday with others? What am I holding on to in my heart and habits that Jesus is asking me to abandon so that I can follow Him with all of my heart...If He calls me to keep teaching then I teach those kids and love those parents with everything that God asks me to...But I sense that He wants me to go for it and walk out my testimony with others...and it doesn't seem to make sense logically...I know I am rambling and not making sense and my grammatical and writing style is all out of whack...but really I am just wondering what God wants me to do with all of the things going on in my heart right now. I am sure I am making it harder than it really is...but God...Please come in and shape my heart and share with me what to do next...what is the next thing you want me to do...I am scared I will come to the end of my time on this earth and not have done what you called me to do because I took too much time wondering and worrying and not abandoning my cares to you so that I can be Radical in my every day life...when I go to the store...when I teach a child...when I take care of my kids...when I share my testimony and how you saved me...I don't just want to settle in to life so that I am just trying to survive...at the end of Chapter One...David Platt says..."We will evaluate where true security and safety are found in this world and in the end we will determine not to waste our lives on anything but uncompromising, unconditional abandonment to a gracious, loving Savior who invites us to take radical risk and promises us radical reward." God I do not want to waste any part of my life trying to find "security" when I could have been sharing who you are with others outside of my own self.



Okay...so there is my heart...a jumbled and rambling mess!

Love, Teresa