Tuesday, February 12, 2013

We are not defeated.

I opened my eyes in the dark of my bedroom, covers piled high, and the silence of the early morning surrounding me.  Although the room was silent, my thoughts were loud and constant.  From the moment my eyes opened and the time my bedside clock alerted me to the hour...my thoughts raced.  I began to talk to God as I always do...but noticed that for the past few weeks...maybe even months my own thoughts interrupt.  My precious quiet time with the Lord in the quiet of my room is flooded with negative thoughts of defeat.  I wake up defeated.  I wake up already done...already to pull out of the game.  I drag through the day with defeat on my mind and defeat in my step.  This morning I did it again.  I was going to get up early and hop on my elliptical machine...but decided the warmth of my covers was more important.  So I woke up defeated.  Why didn't I get up I asked myself.  I am so lazy I told myself.  I got up...and walked in the bathroom...I looked in the mirror...instead of seeing me...I saw my friends who work out...who are fit and motivated...I saw them and their accomplishments...and then I saw myself...the one who doesn't exercise...who isn't fit...whose body isn't where she wants it.  I see the person who has dreams, but isn't doing any of them.  I see the job I don't really like and ask why I am there.  I see the things I think are not good.

I spend more time in prayer...I talk to God.  Because in the interruptions of my own thoughts, that what I do, talk to God.  I hear Him ask me to get on my knees and hear His voice.  So I get on my knees right there on the bathroom floor.  I have to bow down low so that I can hear.  I have to put my face on the ground so that I can hear.  God says that I right where the enemy wants me.  Defeated.  Defeated before I even start my day.  Defeated so I won't do the things God has called me to do.  Encourage.  Solace.  That's what God has called me to do.  How can I do that if I am defeated and discouraged?  God says that I am not too old...that I am right where He wants me.  That all I have to do is remember who has called me...who is my strength...who defines me...who says I am NOT defeated but that the enemy has already been defeated..that I am His.

I get up off of my knees and when I look in the mirror this time, I see what God wants me to do today.  He gives me some names of people I know...He wants me to pray for them...He wants me to encourage them.  So I do.  Not because I think I have something that is better, but because I have been in the mud and mire.  Because I have felt defeated.  Because I have been lost.  And God saved me.  God wants me to see through His eyes and not mine.

I may still "feel" with my emotions the "I am not good enough", but I see with my eyes that God say "I am good enough". We have to rise above the emotions and see through the lens of God's eyes.  Emotions go up and down.  God is always the same.  That is why we must keep our eyes on Jesus.  Earlier I told about a dream I had where Mother Teresa told me to keep my eyes on Jesus.  And it is in these times, I remember her words and her hand on my eyes...because that is why God gave me that dream.

God never changes.
Who we are to God never changes.
So I encourage you today to not give up on our God...because He never gives up on us.
I encourage you today that no matter what you thought when you woke up this morning...God is for you and not against you.
I encourage you to dive in to His Word...get on your knees...pray.
Chose God's thoughts today.

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