Blessings to all...
Thank you for your patience as I have been away much too long. I am so looking forward to getting back in the swing of things.
Today I will just update you all on my family and tomorrow I will post some things that have been on my heart.
We have been homeschooling this year which has proved to be a challenge and a blessing at the same time! I work almost full time so that is the biggest challenge...not being home to monitor work and help when a question comes up. M & J are 13 and 15 so they can work very independently. I get everything organized on the weekend so that they have everything they need for the week. They are doing fabulous though.
I have been working at the produce stand still. I thought I was going to substitute in our school district but they have closed the sub pool and I was not able to get in so far. I am having faith that God has a bigger plan for me.
I am fully investing in to my non profit, What Is Beautiful. I know that God is calling me to spend my time making sure his daughters know their true identity, value and worth. I am not fully sure how to make it all work, but someone has been helping me over the past week. She is really challenging me to focus on the business aspect of the non profit which is an area that I have avoided. This is the part I have avoided which includes marketing and getting the word out to what we offer. She reminded me that if God has called me to this then I need to use the tools that are out there to be able to share who we are. So be watching for more information on What Is Beautiful!
I just applied for a part time job at a bank...so if that is what God wants for me, pray that he opens the door. It is only 20 hours a week but provides benefits.
I am now a consultant for Blessings Unlimited. You can visit my website at www.myblessingsunlimited.net/teresahenry. Great products with a message of faith.
I am also now an advocate for Compassion International. I get to speak on behalf of children around the world who are in need of sponsors. If you would like to sponsor a child go to the Compassion website.
I am still taking classes at Liberty University. I am not sure if I will continue after this quarter but we will see what God has in store as I work through this class. I am wondering if God wants me to keep adding to my student loans and racking up so much debt...pray for wisdom for me as I try to make the right decision. The class I am taking right now is Child Therapy. I am really looking forward to it...but maybe not the 2o page research paper that I have to write!
Madie has been going to a great youth group and really connecting, It is fun to see her grow in her faith and become the person God created her to be!
Meg is still working toward getting in to nursing school. Right now she is getting her Certified as a Nursing Assistant.
Jack has been working hard each day to get better at golf. He practices everyday for at least 20 minutes. He wants to be a pro golfer some day.
Okay...that is probably more than you need to know!
Blessings,
Can't wait to start writing again,
Teresa
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
God will restore and redeem what we thought was lost.
Good Morning!! It is a Saturday, I am not working, and the kids are still asleep! I just went outside and picked a colander full of strawberries from my backyard. They are so pretty!
We have all been either sick or attacked by allergies over the past week. Yesterday I worked and had a terrible allergy attack all day. I sneezed over and over, my eyes were constantly watering and my nose was dripping. I took 3 different things throughout the day but nothing was working. I kept having to tell my customers that I promised I was not sick, but I had allergies. Here I am touching their fruits and veggies with my hands and I did not want them to think I was going to pass on a cold or the flu. I looked and sounded (and felt) like I had the flu. I got through the day...just reminding myself that I could have something worse that could not be treated or that would not end. There were times though when I was irritated with my nose and eyes...they would not stop. And I had to remind myself to be thankful in everything...at all times. So this morning I am so thankful to have the day off, have a home that I feel safe in, and have a God that loves, protects and loves my family.
This morning I was reading in Joel. I just opened my bible and that is where I landed. I don't often do that, but this morning when I went to turn the pages to where I had left off yesterday, I felt the Lord tell me to stay where I landed. So I read the short book in the Old Testament.
Joel tells of the locust that came in and destroyed everything. The locust swarmed over the land like an army. There were 4 different types: the cutting locust, the swarming locust, the hopping locust, and the stripping locust. It says they "were too numerous to count" (Joel 1:6). They ate the grapes, invaded the land, destroyed the grapevines, ruined the fig trees, ruined the wheat and barley crops, the pomegranate trees, palm trees, the apple trees...all gone. (Joel 1:7-12).
The people relied not only on the land to make money, they relied on the crops to feed them. The locust stole the land, ate their provision, and took their security. This is what the enemy does. He comes in to kill, steal, and destroy. These people were sinning. They had chosen to do things in their own strength, power, and direction. And everything they hoped for and relied on was taken by an army of locust. First one set of locust came in. And then after that each set of locust came in to get the rest and totally destroy the land.
But God.
He said:
"Turn to me now, while there is still time. Give me your hearts. come with fasting weeping, and mourning." (Joel 2:12)
God wants us to turn to him. Now. While we still have a chance to be restored and redeemed.
"The Lord says, 'I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locust, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. " (Joel 2:25)
I love that promise. I remember when I was being restored and I discovered this scripture. I had been beating myself up over all that I had destroyed. I was mad over all I had lost because of my actions and decisions. This scripture gave me hope. And it helped me stop beating myself up and live in the promise that God would restore the time I gave up, the relationships I lost, and the talents I wasted. I still had consequences for my actions, but as I turned to God, He restored and redeemed the broken path I had gone down.
What has come in to your world like an army of locusts that has kept you from fully giving your heart, time, and energy to the Lord? Maybe it is watching too much TV, being negative, giving up and not doing anything, depression, our past, labels, trying to keep up with the world. What has swarmed in or quietly hopped around taking what God gave you. What has taken your peace or stolen from your crop?
God says turn to me now. Give Him those things. Write them down and know that God does not intend for those to sweep over the territory He gave you. He wants to restore all. Let him.
Today I have some heart searching to do!
But I stand on the promise that "I will give you back what you lost"!
God loves you so much. He wants our whole heart.
Tell me something that stands in your way so that I can pray for you.
Blessings!
Teresa
We have all been either sick or attacked by allergies over the past week. Yesterday I worked and had a terrible allergy attack all day. I sneezed over and over, my eyes were constantly watering and my nose was dripping. I took 3 different things throughout the day but nothing was working. I kept having to tell my customers that I promised I was not sick, but I had allergies. Here I am touching their fruits and veggies with my hands and I did not want them to think I was going to pass on a cold or the flu. I looked and sounded (and felt) like I had the flu. I got through the day...just reminding myself that I could have something worse that could not be treated or that would not end. There were times though when I was irritated with my nose and eyes...they would not stop. And I had to remind myself to be thankful in everything...at all times. So this morning I am so thankful to have the day off, have a home that I feel safe in, and have a God that loves, protects and loves my family.
This morning I was reading in Joel. I just opened my bible and that is where I landed. I don't often do that, but this morning when I went to turn the pages to where I had left off yesterday, I felt the Lord tell me to stay where I landed. So I read the short book in the Old Testament.
Joel tells of the locust that came in and destroyed everything. The locust swarmed over the land like an army. There were 4 different types: the cutting locust, the swarming locust, the hopping locust, and the stripping locust. It says they "were too numerous to count" (Joel 1:6). They ate the grapes, invaded the land, destroyed the grapevines, ruined the fig trees, ruined the wheat and barley crops, the pomegranate trees, palm trees, the apple trees...all gone. (Joel 1:7-12).
The people relied not only on the land to make money, they relied on the crops to feed them. The locust stole the land, ate their provision, and took their security. This is what the enemy does. He comes in to kill, steal, and destroy. These people were sinning. They had chosen to do things in their own strength, power, and direction. And everything they hoped for and relied on was taken by an army of locust. First one set of locust came in. And then after that each set of locust came in to get the rest and totally destroy the land.
But God.
He said:
"Turn to me now, while there is still time. Give me your hearts. come with fasting weeping, and mourning." (Joel 2:12)
God wants us to turn to him. Now. While we still have a chance to be restored and redeemed.
"The Lord says, 'I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locust, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. " (Joel 2:25)
I love that promise. I remember when I was being restored and I discovered this scripture. I had been beating myself up over all that I had destroyed. I was mad over all I had lost because of my actions and decisions. This scripture gave me hope. And it helped me stop beating myself up and live in the promise that God would restore the time I gave up, the relationships I lost, and the talents I wasted. I still had consequences for my actions, but as I turned to God, He restored and redeemed the broken path I had gone down.
What has come in to your world like an army of locusts that has kept you from fully giving your heart, time, and energy to the Lord? Maybe it is watching too much TV, being negative, giving up and not doing anything, depression, our past, labels, trying to keep up with the world. What has swarmed in or quietly hopped around taking what God gave you. What has taken your peace or stolen from your crop?
God says turn to me now. Give Him those things. Write them down and know that God does not intend for those to sweep over the territory He gave you. He wants to restore all. Let him.
Today I have some heart searching to do!
But I stand on the promise that "I will give you back what you lost"!
God loves you so much. He wants our whole heart.
Tell me something that stands in your way so that I can pray for you.
Blessings!
Teresa
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Part 3 A Piece of my Heart
Installment 3 of the unedited version of a chapter of my upcoming booking:
Comments and suggestions accepted!!!
I sat back in the sage green chair, pulled my legs under my body and clutched my bible. I held it close, not wanting to release this black bound book that held the truth. It held the light. I read it for the past seven years, but thought those words were written for others—the ones who were not so bad. I clutched it not wanting to release it, in fear that I would lose this moment where exposing myself to light felt right.
The recipient of all of those confessions and darkness, she looked at me.
No condemnation.
Grace.
Mercy.
Forgiveness.
No judgment.
No judgment came from her mouth. No judgment shot from her eyes. Just love that was a result of her faith in Christ. It was time for me to go so that someone else could take my place in that sage green chair. I would sit in that chair many more times over the course of the year. Fifty minutes always slipped by way too fast.
She asked me to do something. She told me to open that love letter that I clutched so tightly in my hands--the one that I didn’t want to let go of. She told me to let go of Psalm 38 for now. The only words that sounded true to me at the moment. She told me instead to read Psalm 40. Read it tonight in your quiet time she said. She prayed with me. I walked through the door, out of that safe room.
I walked down the stairs and into the waiting room with my eyes glued to the floor, almost afraid to look up as if the exposure was written across my face. As I stepped back in to the waiting room, no one seemed to see it. It wasn’t illuminating off of me like bright lights in a dark room. I sat down in one of the empty chairs wondering what would happen next.
Psalm 40. It was just two Psalms away from Psalm 38. The one that told about my pain and misery. The one that knew how my body was feeling. Psalm 40 came after Psalm 38. After, maybe that meant something. Maybe it meant this is what was to come. Maybe it was what I could look forward to. Psalm 40. What words was I going to read?
1 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. 3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
4 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord, who have no confidence in the proud or in those who worship idols. 5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.
6 You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand[a]— you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings. 7 Then I said, “Look, I have come. As is written about me in the Scriptures: 8 I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.”
9 I have told all your people about your justice. I have not been afraid to speak out, as you, O Lord, well know. 10 I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart; I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power. I have told everyone in the great assembly of your unfailing love and faithfulness.
11 Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me. Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me. 12 For troubles surround me— too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage.
13 Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me. 14 May those who try to destroy me be humiliated and put to shame. May those who take delight in my trouble be turned back in disgrace. 15 Let them be horrified by their shame, for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”
16 But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!” 17 As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in his thoughts. You are my helper and my savior. O my God, do not delay.
Why do we go through the pain? I believe it is so we know what it is like to finally be in the light and know the grace of God. Now I know what it is:
to be forgiven
to be handed grace
to understand mercy
to step out of the darkness and in to the light
to be given new LIFE.
“Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3. I pray that you will see what God has done for me and be amazed by his grace.
Comments and suggestions accepted!!!
I sat back in the sage green chair, pulled my legs under my body and clutched my bible. I held it close, not wanting to release this black bound book that held the truth. It held the light. I read it for the past seven years, but thought those words were written for others—the ones who were not so bad. I clutched it not wanting to release it, in fear that I would lose this moment where exposing myself to light felt right.
The recipient of all of those confessions and darkness, she looked at me.
No condemnation.
Grace.
Mercy.
Forgiveness.
No judgment.
No judgment came from her mouth. No judgment shot from her eyes. Just love that was a result of her faith in Christ. It was time for me to go so that someone else could take my place in that sage green chair. I would sit in that chair many more times over the course of the year. Fifty minutes always slipped by way too fast.
She asked me to do something. She told me to open that love letter that I clutched so tightly in my hands--the one that I didn’t want to let go of. She told me to let go of Psalm 38 for now. The only words that sounded true to me at the moment. She told me instead to read Psalm 40. Read it tonight in your quiet time she said. She prayed with me. I walked through the door, out of that safe room.
I walked down the stairs and into the waiting room with my eyes glued to the floor, almost afraid to look up as if the exposure was written across my face. As I stepped back in to the waiting room, no one seemed to see it. It wasn’t illuminating off of me like bright lights in a dark room. I sat down in one of the empty chairs wondering what would happen next.
Psalm 40. It was just two Psalms away from Psalm 38. The one that told about my pain and misery. The one that knew how my body was feeling. Psalm 40 came after Psalm 38. After, maybe that meant something. Maybe it meant this is what was to come. Maybe it was what I could look forward to. Psalm 40. What words was I going to read?
1 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. 3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
4 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord, who have no confidence in the proud or in those who worship idols. 5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.
6 You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand[a]— you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings. 7 Then I said, “Look, I have come. As is written about me in the Scriptures: 8 I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.”
9 I have told all your people about your justice. I have not been afraid to speak out, as you, O Lord, well know. 10 I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart; I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power. I have told everyone in the great assembly of your unfailing love and faithfulness.
11 Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me. Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me. 12 For troubles surround me— too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage.
13 Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me. 14 May those who try to destroy me be humiliated and put to shame. May those who take delight in my trouble be turned back in disgrace. 15 Let them be horrified by their shame, for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”
16 But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!” 17 As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in his thoughts. You are my helper and my savior. O my God, do not delay.
Why do we go through the pain? I believe it is so we know what it is like to finally be in the light and know the grace of God. Now I know what it is:
to be forgiven
to be handed grace
to understand mercy
to step out of the darkness and in to the light
to be given new LIFE.
“Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3. I pray that you will see what God has done for me and be amazed by his grace.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A Piece of my heart: Part 2
Part 2 of a chapter from my book. See yesterday for the first part.
She asked me the same question she has most likely asked to everyone who walks through her door for the first time. She asked me what brought me there. I replied, “I have an eating disorder.” A pause in the air gave room for more. She knew there was more. I took my time because I was afraid to talk. I was afraid to say anything at all. I didn’t want to tell my story. But I needed to let it go. I was afraid to talk. But for some reason I thought I could trust the person sitting across from me and asking me what brought me there.
And in that moment, in the midst of my fear, my story—it all came out—pouring from my heart like a dam being burst open. The words they poured so fast that they stumbled and tripped over one another. Each word raced to be released from behind the wall—the wall of despair—of darkness—of captivity. All of my words, emotions, and all of the truth spilled out over the edges of the tall thick wall of darkness. For years the words, the memories, the sin, the hurt, the pain, the agony that captured the essence of who I saw myself as pushed and fought against the prison wall of my heart. But now, in the corner office, sitting in the sage green chair, my feet pulled under me, my eyes unable to meet the recipient of my words—the wall breaks open and from behind the wall it all pours out.
Everything I could remember at that moment came out in bits and pieces, words and memories jumping over each other, like the beat of a song set on too fast of a rhythm. It all tumbles out. How long had it all been piling up? How long had that wall been under pressure? The wall it finally broke and at the bottom of the spilled out pool of words was a broken and scared girl hoping for freedom. At that moment the recipient of my words does not reject me. She does not condemn me. She embraces me as my words choked out. She heard me. She heard my pain and regret and repentance and shame and guilt and she embraces it.
The dam had burst and the wall had broke. My life now exposed was suddenly out of the dark and in the light.
The light.
Finally.
My breath that was before so hard to find, that I sometimes had to force in and out, now seemed to flow with ease. The darkness that swallowed me up and hid me from the truth now had a stream of light shining through.
The light.
It exposes.
Light brings clarity.
I had hid so long from the light. I hid from the exposure. I hid in the darkness. At night I pulled the covers over my head and wailed from the pain and the fear of the light. I feared exposing all of the shameful moments of my life. And now in this corner office, the light was impossible to avoid. And I read again from Psalm 38. “My guilt overwhelms me. It is a burden too heavy to bear.” Please release me from the pain and fear, the shame and guilt, the grossness, the hate and disgust that I feel.
My eyes, they want to see this recipient of my words. They want to see why she is able to embrace me. I am exposed and naked.
And God—He opens up the heavens and His glory reigned down in that little corner office. I climbed out of that chair and I fell to my knees and this time I poured out words of forgiveness and repentance.
On that day, the day the words came out from behind the wall—the wall broke—one brick at a time. This is my journey from brokenness to restoration.
One brick at a time.
That is what light does.
Join me in the story of restoration. Let me tell you the rest.
I got up off the floor, my knees still feeling the impression of the rug and my body; it felt lighter even though I was exposed. John 12:46 “I have come as a light to shine in this dark world so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.”
How can exposing all of the darkness—the dirty, ugly places of our life—of who we see ourselves as, be good? How can we share what burdens us, ugly or dark or shameful and think for a moment that our world will be any better?
Genesis 1:3 “Let there be light and there was light. And God saw that light was good. Then he separated the light from the darkness.” God said light is good. In this scripture we see that light and darkness are separated. Light is good. How might you be asking can light be good right now? What if the things you are holding on to seem too big and too bad to be exposed? Light is good. Stay on my journey and you will see.
She asked me the same question she has most likely asked to everyone who walks through her door for the first time. She asked me what brought me there. I replied, “I have an eating disorder.” A pause in the air gave room for more. She knew there was more. I took my time because I was afraid to talk. I was afraid to say anything at all. I didn’t want to tell my story. But I needed to let it go. I was afraid to talk. But for some reason I thought I could trust the person sitting across from me and asking me what brought me there.
And in that moment, in the midst of my fear, my story—it all came out—pouring from my heart like a dam being burst open. The words they poured so fast that they stumbled and tripped over one another. Each word raced to be released from behind the wall—the wall of despair—of darkness—of captivity. All of my words, emotions, and all of the truth spilled out over the edges of the tall thick wall of darkness. For years the words, the memories, the sin, the hurt, the pain, the agony that captured the essence of who I saw myself as pushed and fought against the prison wall of my heart. But now, in the corner office, sitting in the sage green chair, my feet pulled under me, my eyes unable to meet the recipient of my words—the wall breaks open and from behind the wall it all pours out.
Everything I could remember at that moment came out in bits and pieces, words and memories jumping over each other, like the beat of a song set on too fast of a rhythm. It all tumbles out. How long had it all been piling up? How long had that wall been under pressure? The wall it finally broke and at the bottom of the spilled out pool of words was a broken and scared girl hoping for freedom. At that moment the recipient of my words does not reject me. She does not condemn me. She embraces me as my words choked out. She heard me. She heard my pain and regret and repentance and shame and guilt and she embraces it.
The dam had burst and the wall had broke. My life now exposed was suddenly out of the dark and in the light.
The light.
Finally.
My breath that was before so hard to find, that I sometimes had to force in and out, now seemed to flow with ease. The darkness that swallowed me up and hid me from the truth now had a stream of light shining through.
The light.
It exposes.
Light brings clarity.
I had hid so long from the light. I hid from the exposure. I hid in the darkness. At night I pulled the covers over my head and wailed from the pain and the fear of the light. I feared exposing all of the shameful moments of my life. And now in this corner office, the light was impossible to avoid. And I read again from Psalm 38. “My guilt overwhelms me. It is a burden too heavy to bear.” Please release me from the pain and fear, the shame and guilt, the grossness, the hate and disgust that I feel.
My eyes, they want to see this recipient of my words. They want to see why she is able to embrace me. I am exposed and naked.
And God—He opens up the heavens and His glory reigned down in that little corner office. I climbed out of that chair and I fell to my knees and this time I poured out words of forgiveness and repentance.
On that day, the day the words came out from behind the wall—the wall broke—one brick at a time. This is my journey from brokenness to restoration.
One brick at a time.
That is what light does.
Join me in the story of restoration. Let me tell you the rest.
I got up off the floor, my knees still feeling the impression of the rug and my body; it felt lighter even though I was exposed. John 12:46 “I have come as a light to shine in this dark world so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.”
How can exposing all of the darkness—the dirty, ugly places of our life—of who we see ourselves as, be good? How can we share what burdens us, ugly or dark or shameful and think for a moment that our world will be any better?
Genesis 1:3 “Let there be light and there was light. And God saw that light was good. Then he separated the light from the darkness.” God said light is good. In this scripture we see that light and darkness are separated. Light is good. How might you be asking can light be good right now? What if the things you are holding on to seem too big and too bad to be exposed? Light is good. Stay on my journey and you will see.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A piece of my heart...
I am sharing a section of a chapter from my book I am in the process of writing ...a very unedited section...and will add the next part of the chapter tomorrow. I would love any comments or editing help!
From Dark to Light
It was a rainy day in March of 2008. My thoughts raced in a constant battle that came from the depths of darkness in search for something, anything that could soothe the pain. I sat in the small waiting room that was filled with people who were hurting and searching and trying to find their way. Some were talking to each other just to pass the time. Some were reading a book. Some were silent. I wondered how they got to this place away from family and friends. I waited. I wondered. I agonized over being away. I had left my children to come here. I walked away for weeks.
Every one said it was for them….so I could be a healthy mom and be there for them as God has planned. But to me all I could see was the battle. I left my kids. I was convinced that I was a bad mother. I was lost in darkness, sadness, fear, guilt, and shame. I looked outside and watched the rain hit the window. Inside, amongst the noise and light, I shrunk in to my chair and waited. I opened my Bible. I brought it with me. It was all I had.
The Center: A Place of Hope and Healing. That is where I was. Parked in the waiting room. A glimmer of hope would be nice. Healing would be good. A Place of Hope and Healing. The website says it is a place to find recovery from eating disorders. I couldn’t see any hope. There was so much more than an eating disorder. Didn’t they know that? All of it…was locked up inside…in the dark so no one could see. Hope. Healing. Please Lord, I need both of those.
I opened to Psalms. Psalm 38. I don’t know how I found it. I don’t remember why I landed there. But I read. “My whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. My guilt overwhelms me-it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief.” (Psalm 38:3-6) I read further. “I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done. (v17-18) Do not abandon me, O Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.” (v21-22)
A woman called my name. I am not even sure I looked up. I don’t remember standing up. But I remember climbing the short set of stairs that seemed like a mountain. I remember walking down the hallway to the corner office. I remember walking through the door and the woman closing it behind us. The room was small but bright. There was a big window on one of the walls. I sat in the big sage green chair. It was one of those chairs where you want to take your shoes off and pull your feet under you, lean your body on to the big arm and sink the rest of your body in to the cushion below you. I remember that chair. I sat in it many times over the next year. I looked forward to that chair and the person sitting chair across from me.
I took off my shoes off and my legs curled under me and I leaned my body in to that chair. This day I felt the comfort of the chair, but not the comfort in my heart. I battled darkness. I battled fear. I battled shame. I battled guilt. I battled in my mind every second of the day. I was “on the verge of collapse”.
Blessings,
Teresa
From Dark to Light
It was a rainy day in March of 2008. My thoughts raced in a constant battle that came from the depths of darkness in search for something, anything that could soothe the pain. I sat in the small waiting room that was filled with people who were hurting and searching and trying to find their way. Some were talking to each other just to pass the time. Some were reading a book. Some were silent. I wondered how they got to this place away from family and friends. I waited. I wondered. I agonized over being away. I had left my children to come here. I walked away for weeks.
Every one said it was for them….so I could be a healthy mom and be there for them as God has planned. But to me all I could see was the battle. I left my kids. I was convinced that I was a bad mother. I was lost in darkness, sadness, fear, guilt, and shame. I looked outside and watched the rain hit the window. Inside, amongst the noise and light, I shrunk in to my chair and waited. I opened my Bible. I brought it with me. It was all I had.
The Center: A Place of Hope and Healing. That is where I was. Parked in the waiting room. A glimmer of hope would be nice. Healing would be good. A Place of Hope and Healing. The website says it is a place to find recovery from eating disorders. I couldn’t see any hope. There was so much more than an eating disorder. Didn’t they know that? All of it…was locked up inside…in the dark so no one could see. Hope. Healing. Please Lord, I need both of those.
I opened to Psalms. Psalm 38. I don’t know how I found it. I don’t remember why I landed there. But I read. “My whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. My guilt overwhelms me-it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief.” (Psalm 38:3-6) I read further. “I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done. (v17-18) Do not abandon me, O Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.” (v21-22)
A woman called my name. I am not even sure I looked up. I don’t remember standing up. But I remember climbing the short set of stairs that seemed like a mountain. I remember walking down the hallway to the corner office. I remember walking through the door and the woman closing it behind us. The room was small but bright. There was a big window on one of the walls. I sat in the big sage green chair. It was one of those chairs where you want to take your shoes off and pull your feet under you, lean your body on to the big arm and sink the rest of your body in to the cushion below you. I remember that chair. I sat in it many times over the next year. I looked forward to that chair and the person sitting chair across from me.
I took off my shoes off and my legs curled under me and I leaned my body in to that chair. This day I felt the comfort of the chair, but not the comfort in my heart. I battled darkness. I battled fear. I battled shame. I battled guilt. I battled in my mind every second of the day. I was “on the verge of collapse”.
Blessings,
Teresa
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Compassion International
It has been a while...but I am back :).
This weekend I am presenting Compassion International to my church and asking people to sponsor some sweet kids from around the world. My family sponsors the cutest 5 year girl named Damaris. Praying for her and her family daily has been a pure privilege and taught me how blessed I am to be able to do something for her.
This morning as I was peering in to God's Word I read Romans 10:14-15 "But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them with out being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, 'How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!'"
When a child is sponsored they are able to go to the Compassion children's center in their community. They get medical treatment, food, learn how to brush their teeth, and have basic needs met. They also most importantly hear the Word of God and how much He loves them. They might not hear that if they were not sponsored. And just think....they hear...they believe...they share with their family...they believe...the family tells their neighbors...they believe...whole villages are saved and place their trust and faith in Jesus...because one child was sponsored. What an amazing gift.
Go to http://www.compassion.com/ for more information. You can sponsor a child right there on the website. You will get to write letters to your child and send them words of love and encouragement. Some never get that. Listen to the videos on the website...you will see the great impact sponsors have had on the children.
Today I have fasted for part of the day (so far) to feel the hunger pains that many children around the world feel. And I know that it isn't the best choice for me as some one who has had a background of an eating disorder...but I have prayed for God's covering for today. I have felt those pains before but wanted to feel them...I didn't want to eat. And how sad is that when others are dying because they can't get enough food. I wouldn't eat. But today as I felt them, God showed me that even though I felt them...and I was able to feel what a child might be feeling...I knew that in a second I could grab something...almost anything in any amount to eat and take that hunger pain away. The child can't do that. The pain stays there as a reminder that they lack a basic need. Being a sponsor will help that child to not have to be in this desperate situation. And we are also able to pray for their families asking for provision. Each night my kids pray that Damaris will have clean water and enough food to eat. And I pray that her dad will always have enough work.
I encourage you to consider being a sponsor.
It is worth it.
And you may be the only one who was able to tell them about Jesus.
Have a great day.
Love and Blessings,
Teresa
This weekend I am presenting Compassion International to my church and asking people to sponsor some sweet kids from around the world. My family sponsors the cutest 5 year girl named Damaris. Praying for her and her family daily has been a pure privilege and taught me how blessed I am to be able to do something for her.
This morning as I was peering in to God's Word I read Romans 10:14-15 "But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them with out being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, 'How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!'"
When a child is sponsored they are able to go to the Compassion children's center in their community. They get medical treatment, food, learn how to brush their teeth, and have basic needs met. They also most importantly hear the Word of God and how much He loves them. They might not hear that if they were not sponsored. And just think....they hear...they believe...they share with their family...they believe...the family tells their neighbors...they believe...whole villages are saved and place their trust and faith in Jesus...because one child was sponsored. What an amazing gift.
Go to http://www.compassion.com/ for more information. You can sponsor a child right there on the website. You will get to write letters to your child and send them words of love and encouragement. Some never get that. Listen to the videos on the website...you will see the great impact sponsors have had on the children.
Today I have fasted for part of the day (so far) to feel the hunger pains that many children around the world feel. And I know that it isn't the best choice for me as some one who has had a background of an eating disorder...but I have prayed for God's covering for today. I have felt those pains before but wanted to feel them...I didn't want to eat. And how sad is that when others are dying because they can't get enough food. I wouldn't eat. But today as I felt them, God showed me that even though I felt them...and I was able to feel what a child might be feeling...I knew that in a second I could grab something...almost anything in any amount to eat and take that hunger pain away. The child can't do that. The pain stays there as a reminder that they lack a basic need. Being a sponsor will help that child to not have to be in this desperate situation. And we are also able to pray for their families asking for provision. Each night my kids pray that Damaris will have clean water and enough food to eat. And I pray that her dad will always have enough work.
I encourage you to consider being a sponsor.
It is worth it.
And you may be the only one who was able to tell them about Jesus.
Have a great day.
Love and Blessings,
Teresa
Monday, March 21, 2011
This weekend I went to my first youth conference. I sort of followed along not knowing what to expect. It was in Puyallup, WA...at Puyallup Foursquare Church. I tagged along with our youth pastors, a few other leaders, and a great group of kids. We stayed drove down in a van and a few followed. We stayed in a host home. We got little sleep. We actually ate well from amazing host homes who fed us breakfast, lunch and dinner. Huge blessings.
I wasn't sure what to expect. My kids have never experienced youth conferences. Madie did not want to go...her heart has been far from wanting to believe that God was real. She has been angry and frustrated and confused. She has spoken words of hate and housed depression and thoughts of desperation. She gets anxious and angry and frustrated in crowds. Noises frustrate her and get her all worked up. Really...she has felt that her world is terrible and worth nothing...She has asked why do I even exist.
Even though she resisted my prayers on the outside...I prayed the week before..."God I know you go before us. You are preparing the way...you will protect us and meet us there. God I pray for an encounter with you for Madie...Lord I know you will show Madie who you are...and how you love her and value her..." I had to believe that promise. I had to believe that God would blanket Madie in his Love and she would understand it.
I am not going to go in to details...but
Madie. Encountered. God.
God grabbed a hold of her heart.
God delivered her.
God captured her.
God spoke to her.
Madie will never be the same.
I will am so grateful and humbled by who God is.
Jack also was touched by the hand of God. He was moved by who God is and how God can be the Lord of his life. He learned and heard and witnessed so much. I can't wait to see God move mightily in this little guys life.
So many youth were touched by God this weekend. There was a Revolution. There was a revival. There was deliverance from depression, suicide, anxiety, pornography, anger, fear. There as breakthrough. This generation is on the move for God!
The following link is to a few of the podcasts from the conference. You can download them on ITunes. http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/foursquare-united-generation/id315776820
The dates of this years conference were 3/17 to 3/20.
Today we are all sleeping in...getting rest...our bodies are tired and they are not feeling good...so today we are starting late...going slow...and reflecting on how God restores....redeems...and meets us where we are at. More later when I can process!
In Jesus name,
Amen!
Love, Teresa
I wasn't sure what to expect. My kids have never experienced youth conferences. Madie did not want to go...her heart has been far from wanting to believe that God was real. She has been angry and frustrated and confused. She has spoken words of hate and housed depression and thoughts of desperation. She gets anxious and angry and frustrated in crowds. Noises frustrate her and get her all worked up. Really...she has felt that her world is terrible and worth nothing...She has asked why do I even exist.
Even though she resisted my prayers on the outside...I prayed the week before..."God I know you go before us. You are preparing the way...you will protect us and meet us there. God I pray for an encounter with you for Madie...Lord I know you will show Madie who you are...and how you love her and value her..." I had to believe that promise. I had to believe that God would blanket Madie in his Love and she would understand it.
I am not going to go in to details...but
Madie. Encountered. God.
God grabbed a hold of her heart.
God delivered her.
God captured her.
God spoke to her.
Madie will never be the same.
I will am so grateful and humbled by who God is.
Jack also was touched by the hand of God. He was moved by who God is and how God can be the Lord of his life. He learned and heard and witnessed so much. I can't wait to see God move mightily in this little guys life.
So many youth were touched by God this weekend. There was a Revolution. There was a revival. There was deliverance from depression, suicide, anxiety, pornography, anger, fear. There as breakthrough. This generation is on the move for God!
The following link is to a few of the podcasts from the conference. You can download them on ITunes. http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/foursquare-united-generation/id315776820
The dates of this years conference were 3/17 to 3/20.
Today we are all sleeping in...getting rest...our bodies are tired and they are not feeling good...so today we are starting late...going slow...and reflecting on how God restores....redeems...and meets us where we are at. More later when I can process!
In Jesus name,
Amen!
Love, Teresa
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