You are worthy, valuable and loved

I have been up for a few hours already. It is 5 am right now. Jack woke up with a bad dream and I just couldn't fall back to sleep. I decided to spend my time trying to be technical which only partially worked! I wish I knew how to update and organize my blog with gadgets and widgets...but I am after an hour of trying I have decided I just need to resort to asking for help! I did manage to set up a paypal account and add a donate button to my blog. That was quite an exciting moment for me. I am trying to add a Compassion International banner to my site but for some reason I don't know where to copy the information to make it show up. If you know what I am suppose to do...please help!! I so don't understand how to figure all of this out.

The Lord is teaching me some incredible things this year...this month...this week...this morning! I am just so humbled that I get to have such a beautiful relationship with our Father. It amazes me.

Through the past few years it has become evident to me that the enemy, the accuser, Satan...whatever name we give him....is out to steal who God created us to be so that we will not be effective for the Kingdom. When we don't believe who God says we are, it is difficult to operate in our gifts and talents. God says that we are worthy. God says that we are valuable. God says that he loves us...that we are forgiven. Our job is to believe this and live in the knowledge of it. We most likely are not going to "feel" this way all the time, but we can not rely on our feelings when we are choosing to trust in the Lord. Our feelings can sometimes (okay a lot of the time) get in the way of believing who God says we are.

Last week the Lord gave me the insight that there are many people with mental impairments that are standing in the way of believing and operating fully in the love of God. I remember when I was in the midst of recovering from an eating disorder...which really was recovering from living in self hate, shame, guilt and fear...I could not believe that I was worthy of being healed or being free or allowing anyone or at that matter allowing God to love me. All I could see were the labels that I had attached to myself.

I had to shed those labels. At first I held on to them tight. I didn't want to let them go. The enemy fought to keep them in my life. But even before I could fully believe that I was who God says I am....I had to believe anyway. I had to repeat over and over...that I was loved, valuable, worthy, smart, beautiful. For so many years I had been telling myself the opposite and then making decision after decision that supported my terrible thoughts. For so many years I clung on to the events that labeled me ugly, bad, dirty, horrible, disgusting, stupid, unwanted, used, gross, unworthy...not only did I hold on to those labels I spoke those words to myself day after day, hour after hour. Of course I believed them. Those are the words that I spoke, that I believed, that I knew. That is who I was. No one could tell me different.

But God never gave up on me. He brought me to a place of complete desperation. He placed people in my life who spoke love and life in to me. And finally one day when I realized that everything I had done or had been done to me was taken care of at the Cross and that Jesus really did that for me...that I could lay it all down at His feet and leave it there. That I was stripped clean because His love covered me. His love cleaned me off. His love wrote truth in to my heart and finally in to my thoughts and I began to be able to begin to believe that I really was who God said I am.

We are not the product of our circumstances.
We are a product of the Most High God.
We are born out of love...maybe not our earthly parents love...but the Father's love.
We are His daughters and sons.

How do you finally believe that you are who God says you are? You believe God's Word. His Word is truth and it says it all over those thin pages in black and white. He wrote you a love letter. It isn't just for your neighbor or the person sitting next to you at church...it is for YOU too.

Some of you reading may be thinking that I don't know what you have been through or what you have done...and you are right...I may not know...but what I do know is that I have seen the pit of destruction...I have sat in the mud and mire...I have been hurt and broken...I have hurt and broke others. I have experienced much...and I will share that with you if you need help.

God has given us the gift of life...the gift of time...the gift of love...
I pray that you will open up this gift and embrace the life, the time and the love.
Believe and trust. Speak words of truth not lies.

Don't let the enemy still your time...God gave it to you...it is yours.

I so wish I could just make you believe this. I will spend the rest of my given time here on this earth speaking this truth to the people...I lived my the first 42 years of my life believing the lies...and now that I live in His truth...I can not stop speaking this truth to YOU.

With so much love,
Teresa

New Pastor Coming Today

I am getting ready to head of to church this morning. The morning sun is out and the frost on the ground is glistening. The sun makes the fall red of the leaves on the trees lining our yard even more colorful than they were yesterday. When I opened the door to let the cat in, the cold air rushed in and reminded me of the temperature outside. I bundle up in a cardigan and a scarf. I put my warm boots on. My son on the other hand has a short sleeve shirt and shorts on...his normal attire for any day of the week...any weather...any season!

Today at church our new pastor will be speaking for the first time. Our little church with a handful of people will meet him. I am sure he is just as nervous as the people who are anticipating his arrival. Our church has gone through many changes over the last 6 months...we have lost our children's pastor, worship leader, youth pastors and most recently our pastors. Many people have left out of worry or fear of the unknown...some have stayed. The building is old...but the Lord is bringing fresh new life in to the church. Not just through a person..a pastor...but through the Lord's presence. Last week the stage was cleared off of all the clutter...just the mic and the music stand...the church was quiet...the worship leader who has been standing in for us was sick so our asst pastor stepped in. It was his first time leading worship. He stood up there alone with his guitar. He forgot to turn the sound on for the mic and no one told him. The Lord showed me this beautiful picture of the stripping away of the old...the bringing in of the new...no clutter, no extra hoopla, no loud popular music...just His voice...just His presence...we had to take the time to listen, to hear, to follow along, to really hear the words that were being spoken...God is all for new..he is all for bringing new life to those who feel lost or dead or tired.

Today, I will drive the half hour to church in anticipation, not for the "new pastor" but for His new life that will be brought to a church that is in need of a fresh beginning. I pray that God will speak words of wisdom to our new pastor who as a leader in our church will facilitate this new life...he will lead and shepherd God's people. I pray for this church that seems to be dead for life to be poured in like a pitcher of fresh cool water pouring in to a clean tall glass.

Off I go...to meet with God...in a small building...filled with His love.

Blessings,
Teresa

Feed yourself some life today.

"Fix your thoughts on what is
true and honorable,
and right,
and pure,
and lovely,
and admirable.
Think on things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8 NLT

For most of my life I spoke words of hate to myself. I would wake up in the morning and my first thoughts were put downs and words that devalued who I was. I started my day in defeat. One thought leads to another and then another and then I believe these words to be true. I live that way...I make decisions based on these thoughts...I hold back and skip opportunities. I hide from my calling.

When I came home from treatment from an eating disorder, I had to learn new ways of thinking and speaking to myself. If I wanted to get better I had to make changes and new choices. The first scripture God placed on my heart to memorize was Philippians 4:8. Every time I spoke hateful words...such as...I am fat....I am stupid...I can't do anything right...why am I even here on this earth...what's the point...I am ugly...I am disgusting...I don't deserve to be healthy (these were the things I said to myself each day)...I began to ask myself if those words were admirable or lovely or pure. And then I would chose new words...even if I didn't believe them...because words of life feed our souls with peace and joy. We need to feed our minds with truth and life. I am smart. I am a loving mother. I have worked hard. I have made mistakes, but I am not that person anymore. I am made new. Nothing can separate the love of God. I am valuable because God chose to die on the cross so that I could be free. I was created in the image of God. God has great plans for me.

True

honorable

right

pure

lovely

admirable

excellent

worthy of praise

Healthy life giving words feed our minds with the Truth.

I challenge you to memorized this scripture...the truth...a command of the Lord...and each time you begin to speak negative words to yourself...ask "is what I am saying lovely"? When we speak those negative words over ourselves we are disputing God's creation...for he created us in his image...are we saying God made a mistake? We can make mistakes, but each mistake is redeemable, restorable and forgiven...we can speak truth and life over our lives...we MUST. How can you do what God has placed you on this earth to do if you are not feeding yourself LIFE GIVING WORDS.

Feed yourself life.

Blessings,

Teresa

Starting over!

Blessings to all...
Thank you for your patience as I have been away much too long. I am so looking forward to getting back in the swing of things.

Today I will just update you all on my family and tomorrow I will post some things that have been on my heart.

We have been homeschooling this year which has proved to be a challenge and a blessing at the same time! I work almost full time so that is the biggest challenge...not being home to monitor work and help when a question comes up. M & J are 13 and 15 so they can work very independently. I get everything organized on the weekend so that they have everything they need for the week. They are doing fabulous though.

I have been working at the produce stand still. I thought I was going to substitute in our school district but they have closed the sub pool and I was not able to get in so far. I am having faith that God has a bigger plan for me.

I am fully investing in to my non profit, What Is Beautiful. I know that God is calling me to spend my time making sure his daughters know their true identity, value and worth. I am not fully sure how to make it all work, but someone has been helping me over the past week. She is really challenging me to focus on the business aspect of the non profit which is an area that I have avoided. This is the part I have avoided which includes marketing and getting the word out to what we offer. She reminded me that if God has called me to this then I need to use the tools that are out there to be able to share who we are. So be watching for more information on What Is Beautiful!

I just applied for a part time job at a bank...so if that is what God wants for me, pray that he opens the door. It is only 20 hours a week but provides benefits.

I am now a consultant for Blessings Unlimited. You can visit my website at www.myblessingsunlimited.net/teresahenry. Great products with a message of faith.

I am also now an advocate for Compassion International. I get to speak on behalf of children around the world who are in need of sponsors. If you would like to sponsor a child go to the Compassion website.

I am still taking classes at Liberty University. I am not sure if I will continue after this quarter but we will see what God has in store as I work through this class. I am wondering if God wants me to keep adding to my student loans and racking up so much debt...pray for wisdom for me as I try to make the right decision. The class I am taking right now is Child Therapy. I am really looking forward to it...but maybe not the 2o page research paper that I have to write!

Madie has been going to a great youth group and really connecting, It is fun to see her grow in her faith and become the person God created her to be!

Meg is still working toward getting in to nursing school. Right now she is getting her Certified as a Nursing Assistant.

Jack has been working hard each day to get better at golf. He practices everyday for at least 20 minutes. He wants to be a pro golfer some day.

Okay...that is probably more than you need to know!
Blessings,
Can't wait to start writing again,
Teresa

God will restore and redeem what we thought was lost.

Good Morning!! It is a Saturday, I am not working, and the kids are still asleep! I just went outside and picked a colander full of strawberries from my backyard. They are so pretty!

We have all been either sick or attacked by allergies over the past week. Yesterday I worked and had a terrible allergy attack all day. I sneezed over and over, my eyes were constantly watering and my nose was dripping. I took 3 different things throughout the day but nothing was working. I kept having to tell my customers that I promised I was not sick, but I had allergies. Here I am touching their fruits and veggies with my hands and I did not want them to think I was going to pass on a cold or the flu. I looked and sounded (and felt) like I had the flu. I got through the day...just reminding myself that I could have something worse that could not be treated or that would not end. There were times though when I was irritated with my nose and eyes...they would not stop. And I had to remind myself to be thankful in everything...at all times. So this morning I am so thankful to have the day off, have a home that I feel safe in, and have a God that loves, protects and loves my family.

This morning I was reading in Joel. I just opened my bible and that is where I landed. I don't often do that, but this morning when I went to turn the pages to where I had left off yesterday, I felt the Lord tell me to stay where I landed. So I read the short book in the Old Testament.

Joel tells of the locust that came in and destroyed everything. The locust swarmed over the land like an army. There were 4 different types: the cutting locust, the swarming locust, the hopping locust, and the stripping locust. It says they "were too numerous to count" (Joel 1:6). They ate the grapes, invaded the land, destroyed the grapevines, ruined the fig trees, ruined the wheat and barley crops, the pomegranate trees, palm trees, the apple trees...all gone. (Joel 1:7-12).

The people relied not only on the land to make money, they relied on the crops to feed them. The locust stole the land, ate their provision, and took their security. This is what the enemy does. He comes in to kill, steal, and destroy. These people were sinning. They had chosen to do things in their own strength, power, and direction. And everything they hoped for and relied on was taken by an army of locust. First one set of locust came in. And then after that each set of locust came in to get the rest and totally destroy the land.

But God.

He said:
"Turn to me now, while there is still time. Give me your hearts. come with fasting weeping, and mourning." (Joel 2:12)

God wants us to turn to him. Now. While we still have a chance to be restored and redeemed.

"The Lord says, 'I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locust, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. " (Joel 2:25)

I love that promise. I remember when I was being restored and I discovered this scripture. I had been beating myself up over all that I had destroyed. I was mad over all I had lost because of my actions and decisions. This scripture gave me hope. And it helped me stop beating myself up and live in the promise that God would restore the time I gave up, the relationships I lost, and the talents I wasted. I still had consequences for my actions, but as I turned to God, He restored and redeemed the broken path I had gone down.

What has come in to your world like an army of locusts that has kept you from fully giving your heart, time, and energy to the Lord? Maybe it is watching too much TV, being negative, giving up and not doing anything, depression, our past, labels, trying to keep up with the world. What has swarmed in or quietly hopped around taking what God gave you. What has taken your peace or stolen from your crop?

God says turn to me now. Give Him those things. Write them down and know that God does not intend for those to sweep over the territory He gave you. He wants to restore all. Let him.

Today I have some heart searching to do!

But I stand on the promise that "I will give you back what you lost"!

God loves you so much. He wants our whole heart.

Tell me something that stands in your way so that I can pray for you.

Blessings!
Teresa

Part 3 A Piece of my Heart

Installment 3 of the unedited version of a chapter of my upcoming booking:
Comments and suggestions accepted!!!


I sat back in the sage green chair, pulled my legs under my body and clutched my bible. I held it close, not wanting to release this black bound book that held the truth. It held the light. I read it for the past seven years, but thought those words were written for others—the ones who were not so bad. I clutched it not wanting to release it, in fear that I would lose this moment where exposing myself to light felt right.
The recipient of all of those confessions and darkness, she looked at me.
No condemnation.
Grace.
Mercy.
Forgiveness.
No judgment.
No judgment came from her mouth. No judgment shot from her eyes. Just love that was a result of her faith in Christ. It was time for me to go so that someone else could take my place in that sage green chair. I would sit in that chair many more times over the course of the year. Fifty minutes always slipped by way too fast.
She asked me to do something. She told me to open that love letter that I clutched so tightly in my hands--the one that I didn’t want to let go of. She told me to let go of Psalm 38 for now. The only words that sounded true to me at the moment. She told me instead to read Psalm 40. Read it tonight in your quiet time she said. She prayed with me. I walked through the door, out of that safe room.
I walked down the stairs and into the waiting room with my eyes glued to the floor, almost afraid to look up as if the exposure was written across my face. As I stepped back in to the waiting room, no one seemed to see it. It wasn’t illuminating off of me like bright lights in a dark room. I sat down in one of the empty chairs wondering what would happen next.
Psalm 40. It was just two Psalms away from Psalm 38. The one that told about my pain and misery. The one that knew how my body was feeling. Psalm 40 came after Psalm 38. After, maybe that meant something. Maybe it meant this is what was to come. Maybe it was what I could look forward to. Psalm 40. What words was I going to read?
1 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. 3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
4 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord, who have no confidence in the proud or in those who worship idols. 5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.
6 You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings. Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand[a]— you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings. 7 Then I said, “Look, I have come. As is written about me in the Scriptures: 8 I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart.”
9 I have told all your people about your justice. I have not been afraid to speak out, as you, O Lord, well know. 10 I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart; I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power. I have told everyone in the great assembly of your unfailing love and faithfulness.
11 Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me. Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me. 12 For troubles surround me— too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage.
13 Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me. 14 May those who try to destroy me be humiliated and put to shame. May those who take delight in my trouble be turned back in disgrace. 15 Let them be horrified by their shame, for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”
16 But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!” 17 As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in his thoughts. You are my helper and my savior. O my God, do not delay.
Why do we go through the pain? I believe it is so we know what it is like to finally be in the light and know the grace of God. Now I know what it is:
to be forgiven
to be handed grace
to understand mercy
to step out of the darkness and in to the light
to be given new LIFE.
“Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3. I pray that you will see what God has done for me and be amazed by his grace.

A Piece of my heart: Part 2

Part 2 of a chapter from my book. See yesterday for the first part.

She asked me the same question she has most likely asked to everyone who walks through her door for the first time. She asked me what brought me there. I replied, “I have an eating disorder.” A pause in the air gave room for more. She knew there was more. I took my time because I was afraid to talk. I was afraid to say anything at all. I didn’t want to tell my story. But I needed to let it go. I was afraid to talk. But for some reason I thought I could trust the person sitting across from me and asking me what brought me there.
And in that moment, in the midst of my fear, my story—it all came out—pouring from my heart like a dam being burst open. The words they poured so fast that they stumbled and tripped over one another. Each word raced to be released from behind the wall—the wall of despair—of darkness—of captivity. All of my words, emotions, and all of the truth spilled out over the edges of the tall thick wall of darkness. For years the words, the memories, the sin, the hurt, the pain, the agony that captured the essence of who I saw myself as pushed and fought against the prison wall of my heart. But now, in the corner office, sitting in the sage green chair, my feet pulled under me, my eyes unable to meet the recipient of my words—the wall breaks open and from behind the wall it all pours out.
Everything I could remember at that moment came out in bits and pieces, words and memories jumping over each other, like the beat of a song set on too fast of a rhythm. It all tumbles out. How long had it all been piling up? How long had that wall been under pressure? The wall it finally broke and at the bottom of the spilled out pool of words was a broken and scared girl hoping for freedom. At that moment the recipient of my words does not reject me. She does not condemn me. She embraces me as my words choked out. She heard me. She heard my pain and regret and repentance and shame and guilt and she embraces it.
The dam had burst and the wall had broke. My life now exposed was suddenly out of the dark and in the light.
The light.
Finally.
My breath that was before so hard to find, that I sometimes had to force in and out, now seemed to flow with ease. The darkness that swallowed me up and hid me from the truth now had a stream of light shining through.
The light.
It exposes.
Light brings clarity.
I had hid so long from the light. I hid from the exposure. I hid in the darkness. At night I pulled the covers over my head and wailed from the pain and the fear of the light. I feared exposing all of the shameful moments of my life. And now in this corner office, the light was impossible to avoid. And I read again from Psalm 38. “My guilt overwhelms me. It is a burden too heavy to bear.” Please release me from the pain and fear, the shame and guilt, the grossness, the hate and disgust that I feel.
My eyes, they want to see this recipient of my words. They want to see why she is able to embrace me. I am exposed and naked.
And God—He opens up the heavens and His glory reigned down in that little corner office. I climbed out of that chair and I fell to my knees and this time I poured out words of forgiveness and repentance.
On that day, the day the words came out from behind the wall—the wall broke—one brick at a time. This is my journey from brokenness to restoration.
One brick at a time.
That is what light does.
Join me in the story of restoration. Let me tell you the rest.
I got up off the floor, my knees still feeling the impression of the rug and my body; it felt lighter even though I was exposed. John 12:46 “I have come as a light to shine in this dark world so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.”
How can exposing all of the darkness—the dirty, ugly places of our life—of who we see ourselves as, be good? How can we share what burdens us, ugly or dark or shameful and think for a moment that our world will be any better?
Genesis 1:3 “Let there be light and there was light. And God saw that light was good. Then he separated the light from the darkness.” God said light is good. In this scripture we see that light and darkness are separated. Light is good. How might you be asking can light be good right now? What if the things you are holding on to seem too big and too bad to be exposed? Light is good. Stay on my journey and you will see.